Another Day

I have been thinking ans thinking about what to write about and I just don't have any great and brilliant ideas. I got to spend some time with 3/4 of my daughters this weekend and it was wonderful. They planned a great day to celebrate mothers day with me and we had such a nice time. First they took me to the Cockrell Butterfly Center at the Houston Museum of Natural History. It was incredible, thousands of butterflies of every size, kind and color were flying around everywhere. They would land on us you could see them up close on plants and flowers too, it was awesome. After that we went to dinner at The Olive Garden and laughed and just enjoyed each other's company. Then they took me to a performance of the Houston Ballet at the Miller Outdoor Theater in Herman Park. It was awesome. They had never been to the ballet so it was a great introduction for them. I am hoping that once I find a job, I can get tickets for us to see a full ballet together.

Birthdays and Mother's Day

My birthday and Mother's Day have always been connected in my head because of their typical proximity on the calendar. As I got older I thought it was interesting that the day chosen as the day to honor mothers was so close to the day that mine became one. As I had my own children Mother's Day would over shadow my birthday as the girls usually did something cute and sweet in their own little girl ways to mark the day. I think as you get older birthdays naturally lose their significance, I mean who wants to make a big deal out of getting older? That is until you reach that point where you are celebrating still being around, say 80 or so. My birthday though inevitably brings me to thoughts of my own mother. Those who know me well know that relationship was always strained and really crumbled in the fall of 1988. I am not going to tell that full story here but things went a bit, shall we say, upside down. I am going to sound a bit like a child I know but I think that your mother has an obligation to make at least a minor fuss over your birthday. A phone call perhaps, or an email, maybe an actual paper card sent in the mail or at the absolute minimum a text message. Some little scrap of communication that says yeah I remember this is the day you were born. To not get that, to get nothing that would pass as recognition of that one day of the year just hurt. It felt like it doesn't matter to her that I was born at all. I am her only girl child which made it that much worse. Am I whining, maybe...probably. So here's the question how wrong is it that I feel no affinity to her as a mother anymore? I have no desire to honor heron Sunday as my mother. I don't want to take a moment to thank her for having me, raising me and keeping me safe until adulthood. I mean, my birth obviously has become insignificant in her memory so why bring up all the years she wasted on me?

the latest new beginning

I am overweight. There I said it. I don't think that I am obese or that people look at me and think that I am a fat person. but nevertheless, I am overweight. I am 5' tall, pretty much on the money and I weigh in the neighborhood of 175 to 180 pounds. I don't know the exact number because i have not weighed myself in quite awhile but I plan to later today. I also plan to take my body measurements and some pretty unflattering photos. But I am also starting out on a journey today. I am determined to do the work necessary to not be overweight anymore and I plan to start that work today. My friend Jim is helping me with this journey and I know that I can count on my friends to support me, cheer me on, and love me through it. This blog will contain some details on this journey as I go along, things like what I ate, what kind of exercise I did, what I weigh and what my measurements are in addition to the regular babbling I do here. Losing weight is difficult. Changing your relationship with food is difficult. I am an addict. I eat to cure wounds that you can't see by looking at me, things that are eating me up on the inside get fed and they don't make good eating decisions. Those things love cheeseburgers, cheeze its, ice cream and fountain sodas. I have watched members of my family gain weight in fairly significant amounts, I have family members who have been heavy my whole life. A lot of those family members have died because of the strain being overweight puts on the body, things like heart disease, heart attacks, diabetes. I have four amazing children and the cutest grandson in the world. I have friends that I love spending time with and I have long list of things I want to still do and see while I am on this earth. I want to be healthy so I can have the most time possible with my girls, Joe and my friends. I want to be healthy enough to do some of the things on that list. So here I go, down a long bumpy road. I know that I when I put out a hand for help I will find it and I know that as I reach my goals one at a time I will have friends and loved ones there to cheer me on to the next one and for that I am very grateful.